Maybes.

It’s finally over now. I must admit that it wasn’t a really pleasant experience, I was so nervous in the morning so I decided to walk there earlier just to get out of the house and some fresh air. But when I arrived, I flipped through my notes again and that’s when my heart starts to flutter. There were people just like me, a couple of my friends, waiting to enter the hall. Maybe it was the fatigue or the brain overdrive, but I panicked internally a bit. My eyes just skimmed through the words but they are not registering in my mind, so I tried to calm myself down.

It turned out okay in the end. The questions were relatively easier than the ones we had, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed until the results come out. I’m just hoping for a pass, because no matter how much I get, it’ll be capped at 40% anyway.

* * *

After lunch I had the chance to take some pictures with my friend whose graduation ceremony was today, and I felt a bit touched seeing her in her graduation robes. I’m not entirely sure of the reason. Maybe it’s because most of my friends are graduating this year, maybe it’s because I can’t imagine what’s it like being on stage shaking hands with the chancellor and sitting amongst my coursemates listening to her speech that will ultimately usher us into the real world.

At that moment, I desperately want to graduate too. I know it’s silly because I’ve often heard people say they wish they’re still in school, that working life is ______ (fill in the blanks yourself).

It’s just that I yearn to understand what they are feeling, those that are close to me. My bf, my close friends. Maybe I just wish we could all graduate together, instead of feeling left behind by the people I’ve grown so used to be around.

Maybe it’s just me. I’m really proud of them nevertheless, and wished I could attend their graduation and take pictures with them to preserve a memory of our last moments together in uni.

* * *

I have been tearing up a lot lately, which is quite unusual for me. Maybe it’s the stress, maybe it’s the 依依不舍, maybe it’s the fatigue.

Or maybe it’s just me. Just me.

* * *

It rained for a little while just now, and I went and sat in the glass room, listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops against the glass, watching the sunset stain the sky orange. And I felt at ease.

* * *

Maybe I’m settling into my comfort zone again. I need to think about this.

Maybe.

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