i dont know what am i doing.

Well I’m sick of this town, this blind man’s forage
They take your dreams down and stick them in storage
You can have them back son when you’ve paid off your mortgage and loans
Oh hell with this place, I’ll go it my own way
I’ll stick out my thumb and I trudge down the highway
Someday someone must be going my way home

* * *

Especially during times like this, solitude seems to fill every inch of my living space.

It’s a cold winter night, and I’m searching for random youtube videos to watch, just to distract myself from the loneliness of having dinner alone.

I’m tired. This solitude is exhausting me. I’ve tried escaping from the island during the weekends, to be in the presence/company of good friends. These weekends are often filled with comfort and happiness, to the point that it contrasts greatly with the weekdays. It’s sufficient to make me have withdrawal symptoms, and all I think about is the next weekend when I won’t be alone.

ARGH.

It’s so hard to fill my mind with positivity. I often tell myself:

It’s alright.

It’ll be alright, soon.

This will make you stronger, this will shape you for the future.

You will survive this.

You are strong you are strong you are strong.

But in reality, I don’t feel strong at all.

This has made me realise the importance of having a good support system, be it family or friends. Bring surrounded by people that you care about and they care for you, will really make a huge difference on someone’s mental health.

I’ve never felt so alone, so isolated on an island in my entire life.

:(

If you are thinking about how advance the technology is right now, and how we can just connect to people with a flick of our fingers, then stop.

It’s different. Talking to someone on skype/whatsapp/facebook/wechat/viber (I can name a million social network/chatting apps) is different from having face-to-face conversations. After work, I just feel so tired and all I want is to go home. Home. Not just some place I’m renting for the time being. I want to be able to feel comfortable in my own home, to talk or rant with a real-life person that can listen and respond, or even just sit comfortably in silence without feeling awkward and having the urge to talk to fill the silence. I want to be able to cook comfortably, without all the mess and dirty sink and used plates all over the place. I want a hug and an understanding smile when I am feeling down.

Sometimes I feel like I’m such a weak Gen-Y. FTS.

 

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