A year ago, I celebrated the new year’s with a bunch of friends that meant something to me. I was in the company of friends that I care about, just a selected few. And we spent the night counting down to some fireworks, and then chilling at a friend’s place where we had some alcohol and just enjoyed each other’s company.
Now, a year later (almost!), most of us are all over the world. Some back home, some volunteering at a foreign developing country and some remained here in the UK. It’s funny how fast things can change in merely one year.
A year ago, I wrote this post.
2013 had been kind to me. It was a fulfilling year, tough nonetheless. I still managed to travel (to Copenhagen in January, to Scotland and around UK with my family in July), I managed to complete my degree (a little shy of a first, but hey I think I didn’t deserve a first since I didn’t work hard for it) and I started working as a training pharmacist in a small hospital.
Because of work, I’ve relocated once again, even though it wasn’t far from where I did my degree, but still it feels like a whole new environment altogether. The island is quite ‘ulu’, and I have to depend on public transport like buses quite alot if I want to get out of the small town that I currently live in (in the middle of the island). Nonetheless, I still got out of my comfort zone, and had to try to fit in again, which is still work in progress even though I’ve been here for almost 5 months. :P
Since I started work, I’ve been through ups and downs. I’ve been trying to figure out what I want in life, something I didn’t have to do when I was still doing my degree (translation: no responsibilities = no plans haha). I’ve spent time contemplating what I want to achieve in life, what meaning is there to life if I don’t have a purpose.
I’ve spent some nights and days feeling depressed and lonely, mainly because I’ve relocated to this island where I don’t know anyone and I have no friends (except my flatmate and colleagues). I knew clearly that if I am in trouble in the middle of the night, the person I could call (that is nearest to me) is a ferry and a bus ride away. -.- And that scared me. Truly. Knowing that I am alone and can only only depend on myself.
But in the middle of all that, in the midst of figuring out what I want to do with my life, I decided to start on the little things. I wanted to experience more in life, I wanted to do more than just work. So I jumped into an opportunity that presented itself to me (fundraising for cancer). It gave me purpose and motivation, and I felt so much better ever since I started it.
There are still some emotional aspects within me that needs sorting out. At first, it really bothered me, to the extent that I found it difficult to fall asleep at night. But then, I figured that there’s really nothing I can do about it at the moment. It just needs time. Even my mom said, “time will sort things out”. So that part of me is still KIV.
For 2014, I want to be a better version of myself.
I want to truly truly be comfortable by myself, be comfortable to be alone and just be in my own company. I want to learn to truly love myself, to accept every inch of myself, inside and out.
I want to improve myself in so many aspects, to grow into who I want to be (if that make sense haha).
I want to improve my communication skills, to learn how to be a pseudo-extrovert when need be, without neglecting my introversion. I know that my true nature is an introvert, and that I draw strength from within instead of from other people. But I want to learn how to start conversations with strangers, and to connect with people without taking such a long time.
I want to travel. I still want to travel. And I will make time to travel.
In 2014, I vow to be more emotionally-balanced, and I will grow and mature into the person I want to be.