Fear. It is intangible.
Since I’ve came back, I have been feeling afraid. There are so many things I need to get used to. There are so many things I do not know, and a major part of it is the fact that driving plays such a huge part in this country. I am foreign to a lot of roads and expressways outside of where I live, which is partly due to the fact that I used to be so restricted (protected) by parents and the fact that I have lived 5 years of my life abroad. I feel very dependent, and I feel very afraid of getting lost, of getting into car accidents, of constantly having to rely on other people to go somewhere.
Another major fear that i have is the fact that there are so much uncertainties in my future. I do not know where i’m going from here onwards. I have a rough plan, a rough idea, but uncertainties do cloud my judgement at the moment. I know what I have to do, and I will definitely be doing something about this.
I know fully well that this is a passing phase, that I will feel better when things are sorted, or when I have a better sense of direction. I just need to rant, and remind myself to never give up, to never give in to my fears. Because I know I can do better, I know I will have a direction, I know what I am worth, I know that I am who I am, I know that this is merely a passing phase that i will stumble through and come out stronger. I know that I have the mental strength to deal with this. I know what my priorities are, I just need to keep a clear head and not let my emotions get the better of me.
Yes, my life have changed, and I know I will go through this because it was my choice in the first place. Fear is intangible and I will not let it control my life.