here it goes again.

I’m tired of being a 游子。For the past three years I have found solace in my friends and him. Now I’m away from most of my friends, and he just left UK for good. I just feel so alone right now.

I feel like I have to be this lone rock that stands amidst the sea shore, having to endure the rough waves all on my own. I can see all the other rocks standing at a distance, but they can’t hear me even if I shout.

Ok that’s a bit too much but you get my drift.

I know me staying here is for my own future but damn it is tough. Turns out I’m more vulnerable than I thought.

I hate long distance with all my freaking guts. :,(

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My boxing day.

Happiness: spending the day shopping with him, and then coming home for dinner and youtube videos. Bought a purse for myself and a jacket for him, guys look so good when they suit up!

<3

Ok I'm just lovesick at the moment. He's leaving tmr so I'm just enjoying all the moments together.

Ahh i really dislike LDR.

Welcoming 2013 with open arms.

2012 is coming to an end. And I’m pretty contented with everything at the moment.

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The start of the year was just normal, when the clock strike 12, we just wish each other happy new year and continue doing out own things. Or at least that’s what I remembered lol.

Image*January: Our own “yee sang” or “lou sang” for CNY.

Image*February: Trip to London, visited Borough Market and Portobello Street and got my own TLR! :D

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March: Msian Night.

Lots of good things happened in 2012, I went to Spain twice in 3 months. Once in April to meet up with my family, and once in June for a week in Costa Brava. I took part in some performances for Msian Soc’s Msian Night, I danced, modelled, and tree-d :P.

Image*April: With family in Barcelona.

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*May: Study. Exams. Revision.

Image*June: Nachos and ice lemon tea in Costa Brava. Nothing can beat that.

I worked during the summer in a pharmacy, and got an offer for intern after I graduate, and stayed with the loveliest landlady ever, who works in the local hospital as a nurse. And I fell in love with cats in that 8-weeks that I was there!

Image*July: Fell in love with ze catz.

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*August: Trip to HK. Awesome food and get to know his home.

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*September: HOME!!

I went to HK for a week in Aug before going back home, and then he came over to Msia for a week. It was good spending time with my family, shopping with my mom. Then I had to flew back to Uk in a short notice because I got an interview for internship in hospital, which I nailed!! I was so happy when the interviewer called me to tell me the good news, and I cried after that because everything was worth it in the end, the expensive plane tickets, the limited time I get to spend at home, it was all worth it.

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*October: Halloween party!

Image*November: Had a dramatic haircut and went out a lot with friends.

Image*December: Pharmacy Christmas Ball. Had to attend it because it’s my final year!!

There are of course the bad lessons in the year. I found out that I failed an exam on the day before my birthday. So of course, I practically cried my eyeballs out. The hardest thing was to tell my parents that, and although they were really supportive, it still felt like I was disappointing them in a way. And what’s not supportive is my lecturer, whom I emailed many times so that I can see her to have a look at my paper, because I wanna know what went wrong so I can learn and avoid that in the re-sit. But she was really unsupportive geez, in the end I didn’t even get to meet her before the re-sit.

And it’s really important to choose flatmates wisely. And I’ll just end it at that because this will be on the world wide web.

* * *

What I want for 2013 is to graduate successfully (with a first class, if possible), and settle into my internship nicely at the end of July.

No hopes of celebrating CNY at home yet for 2013, that’ll have to wait til 2014 I guess. :(

I sort of have the next 2-3 years planned out nicely, so I will be working towards those goals and I wish to have the strength to overcome the obstacles that will definitely come my way, trust me, they are going to be huge obstacles.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2013! Wish everyone all the happiness in the world and be strong enough to tackle everyday obstacles! :)

Anti-climatic

I bet some poeple out there had went out and bought “apocalypse survival kits” and stocked up on their food supplies and camped in their basement, in light of all the rumours of the world coming to an end today. There’s so many theories out there, about the sun moon earth lining in a straight line or something, about the earth’s poles reversing. There’s also plenty of 9gag jokes out there about this supposedly last day of the world.

Well, it is super sunny today, with absolutely no hints of meteors or zombies or tsunami. :)

BUT. Personally I think the world is going downhill. I mean look at the increasing numbers of natural disasters all over the world. Earthquakes in Japan and China, storms in US, it feels like the whole system is tipping over the edge. And then there’s the human greed. War. Fighting over an island. To me, the world is not just going to end in one day. It is a cumulative and slow progressive stage.

But who knows, maybe humans could survive the greed and the natural disasters.

* * *

Life is good. He is here with me for Christmas, and we are having a secret santa and christmas dinner with friends. We’ve been spending time together, going to London for the Winter Wonderland, lots of movie sessions, or just plain hang out in the town. Ahh how much I dislike LDR. There’s just a week or so left until he leaves, and then it’ll be another month or two before we can see each other.

Image*Winter Wonderland, 17/12/12

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But I guess it’s better this way, because we tend to procrastinate a lot when we are together. And seeing that this year both of us are so busy with assignments/exams/dissertation, it’s good we have our own space to get our work done.

* * *

Image21/12/12 Winter Solstice, so we made tong yuen today. :)

My grandma always make it and there would be pink and green ones. Ah now we are making it ourselves, at least the tradition does not die down in our generation. Personally, I think our culture is important because if we don’t have these cultures, then what would we be? I want to be able to tell my children the stories behind winter solstice and autumn festival and CNY and 端午节 when they grow up. I want to teach them how to make tong yuen and dumplings and lanterns in the future. Because that’s what part of my childhood comprises of.

And bedtime stories of journey to the west. I remembered how much my brother and I loved to listen to my dad telling us those stories before we go take afternoon naps. We would always always beg for more. :)

Of heartaches and distances.

It’s just indescribable. Unless you’ve experienced it, you won’t be able to understand how it feels like. At least now we’re still in the same time zone, where we wake up and sleep at almost the same time, so calling each other is easier. But it’s the physical touch that is absent, the comforting hugs, the simple act of holding hands, or even just sitting in the same room doing our own things.

Long distance involves constantly missing the other person, the aches of longing for him/her, and the most important thing, a huge chunk of trust.

I guess it’s just one of those days. I’ve already known that these will be inevitable the moment we started our relationship, and it’s fine really, because I know what I’m fighting for. And I really hope this fight will be worth it in the end.