This morning I had to wake up early to go to lab for my final year project. As I was making my way there, the strong winds were blowing, it drizzled the way it always drizzles in uk, light but persistent, and it was 3 degrees celcius. My morale was blown away by the wind and rain, and with every step I took, there was a negative voice in my head discouraging me.
“It’s so cold and wet, what are you doing out here when everyone else are still in bed?”
I couldn’t fight the wind, the rain and the voice. And so my spirits took a plunge into the blackhole in me. I fought back tears, homesickness and the evil voice, so I plunged on, while every step became heavier as the weight of negativity pulls back on me.
And then I saw this.
I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t seen a rainbow in ages, or rainbows are symbolic of “good/happy” things, but I felt the weight lifted from my shoulders. The sight of the rainbow pulled me out of the blackhole, and gave me strength. I felt nothing of the negativity that was just there seconds ago, my spirits took a 180degrees turn and from then on, I wasn’t dragging my feet anymore.
I marveled at the beauty of the rainbow, although it was faint, but that was all I needed to see at that time. Something positive to make me believe in myself again.
I know I have probably been the biggest atheist ever, but at that moment, my stand wavered. Haha what are the odds right. Me, a firm believer of the non-existent of a higher being, suddenly I wasn’t so sure anymore. :) I’m not saying I believe in the existence of a higher being 100% now, but at least I am also not 100% sure of the non-existence of a higher being. LOL. (clarrification: whatever religion it is ok. not just a specific one.)
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I really longed to spend CNY at home. 4 years is too long. :(